I know that I can never make u happy

Pengorbanan itu menyakitkan
Pengorbanan itu menyeksakan
Pengorbanan itu membinasakan
Pengorbanan itu sia-sia

Even though we were being separated since ramadhan till Dec 19,
I never hate u..I care about u..I hope u were at home all the time.
3 weeks u are in Malaysia, I always plan something that can make u happy.

U said to me before that I will be ur driver, but then I'm currently working. No leave can be made for the interns. I did something bad just to make u happy. In returns, I got nothing. Just the 'ketakutan' covered my whole day and body. I can only bring u out at night or weekends only but u never want to understand me.

People makes mistakes. If I was rude to u don't take into heart. Confront me. I hate people talking behind my back.

Yesterday, I went back home at 6.30pm. I asked u and the others to accompany me to SACC but no one wants. I went to the bank alone, withdrew my allowance just to treat u and the others. I purposely bought u a slice of strawberry marshmallow cake and the others big apple's donuts but no one cares what i'm doing. I waited for almost 1 hour there just to get a fresh donuts. I went around all the shop lots alone. I hate walking here and there alone. End up, when I bring all the foods back home, nobody seems very interested. Disappointment covered my body again. My effort to make people happy worthless, priceless.

I sewed for u 2 baju kurungs but u seems not happy with that. U seems not going to bring back ur baju kurung. Sorry, I can't make a perfect baju kurung since I don't know how to sew the kain part.

Today is the holiday. I asked u for an outing at pyramid, but then u didn't said anything but u went to follow the other sister of yours to seri kembangan. Upset. I feel upset.

U said u don't wanna go to penang because u don't feel good. but u never thought of ur cousins that are waiting for u. u never thought of sending ur lil brother back to campus. at least he feels more spiritual to study hard. All u think is ur plan with ur other sister. Truly from my heart I wanna stay home too because I wanna be with u all but then, I don't feel it is a good idea because I will ruin all ur plans, so I decided to follow my parents to penang and see all my cousins. At least, i don't feel that terrible.

But somehow I feel great that u did this to me because I know I won't miss u that much when I send u back at the airport. I know tears won't fall down from my sepet eyes because I know I am just a black sheep in the family that always being left out by others.

Thanx for doing this to me. I love u so much even though u hated me.

Happy New Year everyone.